K, so this is a bit of a departure from what’s been on the blog since I’ve been in China, but really, I cannot, cannot, sit here and watch Camp Rock 2 by myself without having any venue for ongoing commentary at its ridiculousness. Thus I bring you this live-blog of this excellent film. This is a post that perhaps 3% of my readers will find interesting but you know, you 3% are some of the dearest to my heart. So here you go. Your regularly scheduled China blogging will resume shortly.
0:00 – Camp Rock 2 begins! Remembering that I kind of hated the original movie doesn’t matter right now.
2:44 – Big Rob makes an appearance! Apparently his character name is Oliver?
3:17 – I do not believe for a second that Joe Jonas knows how to use a wrench.
4:00 – Wait, their band name is Connect 3? I did not remember that whatsoever.
6:33 – This dance sequence for “Brand New Day” is downright weird. Like, way too all over the place. They just look like they’re flailing.
9:00 – Really, hay truck with chickens just roaming free as the humorous entrance gag for the JoBro? You couldn’t have come up with anything else?
13:50 – I do not care about this plotline of the competitor camp whatsoever. Already.
14:30 – Wait, did Joe just ask Demi on a date? That was sort of low-key and anti-climactic. I mean, I know there are going to be some emotional obstacles that are going to drive them apart soon, but I would have at least thought we’d have some more lead-up to that part first.
15:22 – “Hey pouty boy” as a pick-up line? That girl totally is not even Nick’s type, either.
15:40 – Did someone on a Disney movie just say bra? That’s weird.
16:20 – Was the Hispanic sidekick’s character trait always that she was the dumb one, or is that new?
17:30 – Were Demi and Joe dating when this was filmed? I’m going to assume yes on that one. Hmm. Or maybe with those wistful eyes he’s thinking about the time I made eye contact with him at Zaytinya in DC and he’s thinking about the one who got away. Let’s go with that.
19:05 – This song is actually really boring. Does it make me a bad live-blogger if I fast forward past parts of the movie?
19:30 – I’d forgotten how enormous Demi’s mouth is.
20:45 – I always think of the line from somewhere about Demi Lovato loking like the kind of girl who’s been told too many times she has a beautiful smile and therefore does it way too much.
21:40 – This slick number by the competitor camp is indeed much more entertaining than Demi’s sweet little thing. Although too many backup dancers, it’s distracting.
22:45 – So Nick’s love interest is the keyboard player. So is she going to turn out to be evil and distract Nick, or will she actually save the day in the end when she comes to the good side. Let us see.
23:05 – Really, the bracelet flew all the way into the audience to hit Nick in the eye? But hah, it hit Nick in the eye.
24:30 – Really, wouldn’t there be an easier way to ruin an old rival who runs a summer camp if you’re already a famous record producer?
26:20 – “People tell me that [I have pretty eyes] all they time…probably because they’re right in the middle of my face.” Nick, I thought you were the smooth one.
27:00 – Also, they’ve been practicing for weeks! I thought the summer just started!
28:10 – “It’s a tough business.” “It’s summer camp.” Demi, never have you spoken truer.
30:30 – When did that perm thing happen to Alison Stoner’s hair.
31:16 – Is this sign language or just a silly dance?
31:30 – Still unclear. I’m thinking just dance though.
31:47 – Yep, dance.
32:00 – So basically this movie is much more of a traditional musical than the last one. I seem to recall in the original we only got songs that were supposed to specifically be performances? Not so here, more like the original HSM with a mix of performative and “spontaneous” songs. Interesting.
34:30 – Is there no age limit on being a counselor? Nick can be a counselor? And how did they beat the camp head guy to the office, and get hats along the way?
35:29 – There are children at this camp? Since when? Is that curley-haired boy in anything else?
37:00 – How does Demi’s hair stay so shiny and bouncy at summer camp?
37:55 – Hah, a joke about how tight Joe’s pants are. It’s funny cause it’s true.
40:40 – Although Nick’s Evil Love Interest (NELI) has Demi’s weirdly wide mouth, she definitely does not have the shiny hair. It’s sort of weirdly coarse-looking.
42:50 – So the plot here is a bit of the gender-reversed opposite of HSM2, then? He just wants to have a chill summer with her, but she’s too busy running the show and dancing on golf courses. Or maybe not that last part.
43:52 – Aaaah do not run around the camp fire. Also, those fireflies look like crap.
46:20 – Is there any song in this movie that Demi does not star in?
48:52 – Is a stupid fedora a drummer requirement?
49:20 – Whoa, was that a crotch grab? Disney?!
51:07 – Camp Rock goes American Idol! Who the eff would care about seeing this camp competition on TV, though?
52:16 – Ah, they all look at the sheet music and automatically know it’s got a great groove and great places for dancing. Just like in Camp (a superior music camp film) where Ellen knows the alcoholic director’s sheet music is not half bad after looking at it for 3 seconds while brushing her teeth.
52:20 – Also, since when was Alison Stoner’s character trait being into dance? I thought she was, like, a DJ?
56:18 – As a sidenote, I kind of hate the use of “to get” in relation to boyfriends and girlfriends. It makes it sound too much like an active choice, or something. Like, “take my advice and never get a girlfriend,” per Joe. Drives me crazy.
58:25 – Open thread: Joe with flat ironed longish hair versus this curly thing. Thoughts? I can’t decide which is worse right now.
59:00 – I hate events like water fights.
59:27 – Apparently so does Demi.
1:00:25 – Moonlight picnic! Like the golf course picnic!
1:01:30 – Oh great, a non-Demi song by Joe!
1:01:47 – Oh wait…there’s Demi.
1:08:06 – This Jonas rock number is decent. I guess. In a way that sort of has nothing to do with anything else that is happening in the movie right now.
1:10:55 – This Nick plotline is real dumb. Why do they like each other at all? Why are they stalking each other? Why is he suddenly so awkward?
1:11:39 – Nick song! It’s about time. At least, I assume, since it’s in voiceover.
1:12:27 – Oh, there’s Demi. I guess it’s actually been Joe all along. Just wishful thinking. Also, is this movie again going to make us wait till the last minute for them to kiss? Not that I even much care.
1:15:07 – A Nick song! This is cute. Although it sounds like something I’ve heard before. Aww, he thinks uncooked cheese smells like feet.
1:16:40 – Hah, he likes checks with lots of zeroes on them. Did Jonas participate in the writing of any of this music? This sounds like it could have been authentically written by Nick. However, it also sounds exactly like…some other song that sounds like this.
1:17:17 – So is this wide-mouthed girl going to be the next Disney girl? I assume we’ll be seeing her on her own TV show soon? What’s with Disney and these sort of vaguely-ethnically-ambiguous brunettes in the last couple years? Can’t we have a blonde Disney girl other than Ashley Tisdale? Although, also, are there any black Disney girls?
1:19:33 – Is Kevin going to be the voice of reason on this with some “we’re all rockstars” revelation? Oh wait no…they’re going on some sneak mission wearing plant hats.
1:20:22 – Why are they having a fancy dress rehearsal in the middle of the night? Also, too bad Tess can’t dance. Like, it’s freakishnly noticble in this scene with every dancing behind and around her and her step-touching and hip thrusting only.
1:23:05 – Don’t we already know they have a huge stage and sparkly costumes and whatnot? Like, why is this information that important? But aw, Demi is sad to disenfranchise everyone from the effort, she wants to be the star but not without everyone else? Or does she? Such HSM2-Troy conflict!
1:25:25 – I have those gold lame leggings that the Hitz TV reporter is wearing! Or close enough.
1:26:30 – How many campers are at the rival camp? They can fill an auditorium, but we’ve only ever seen at most 20 kids serving as backup dancers.
1:27:30 – The rival camp would definitely want to go second. Also, I thought they were doing that other duet? Is this more than one number, or just creative license along the lines of Bop to the Top and Breaking Free both being possible call-back numbers?
1:31:11 – I’m wondering about the logistics about this underhanded vote buying. Where’d he get the phone numbers to purchase? Let’s talk about the legality, too. And, again, WHY DOES THE VILLAIN CARE SO MUCH.
1:32:32 – Where did Camp Rock get these shaggy-haired band members? I thought we’d met all the major players of the camp!
1:33:04 – So far the Camp Rock duet is boring. Oh good, dancers! Ah, this had better not be a lame circle-dance along the lines of the Star Dazzle Awards performance.
1:34:05 – What a great song this is going to be for future nostalgic slideshow usage by members of this audience age group.
1:36:42 – I feel like I just saw an extra I’ve seen before in HSM. I wonder what the odds are of that being true.
1:37:08 – The results are already in? How long was the voting period? What about tape delay and time zones and everything.
1:37:35 – They lost! But I do like the effect of this muted, slow-mo reaction montage.
1:38:19 – Tess’s lipstick looks hideous. Demi’s crying is quite attractive, however.
1:39:00 – There’s so little time left in this movie! How are they going to get a happy ending.
1:39:19 – Finally, they kiss! Chastely!
1:42:18 – So this whole being shut down if we lost thing was really…not in any way true? I mean, yes, if he can fill out the camp with campers and staff then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be able to function I guess but…then what was the whole point of that contest?
1:43:16 – Oh. It’s over. That was…OK I guess. Yeah, it was OK. And it definitely was better than the first one, I’ll give them that.